I opened the letter, from a dear friend who had been reading my book. Some words struck me, encouraged me, on another day of serving the dying ones, and the resultant fatigue. I stopped before my last visit, sitting in my vehicle and soon to sit with another weakened, vulnerable one getting ready to die, one soon to say to me, as I sat at his bedside, "I know this will be my last place" - referring to a move to a facility for his care until death. I read, imbibed inspiration from her words, among them, "You write from a vulnerable spot which promotes truth and inspires change." After this last visit and on the drive home, and after into the early evening, these words continued to resonate. I mused upon vulnerability - this which seems to have brought so much pain and joyfulness into my life. How could the pain not have been present if vulnerable, as mirrored in the word origin from about 1600 and Latin, "wounding"? Really, is there anyway to live in Love and, at the same time, avoid the wounding? I think not. Would I want to live another way? No. I would miss the joy, the tears, the Love that embraces it all.
* * *
My mind returns to a Scripture from my childhood, found in the Hebrew Scriptures, or Old Testament: "But He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities...." The verse continues, "The chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." (Isaiah 55.3, KJV) And, too, in the Christian New Testament: "Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men." (I Corinthians 1.25, KJV) And, also: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" (II Corinthians 12.9, ESV) How ironic that the principal symbol of weakness in the Roman world came to be the central sign of Love and forgiveness in the Christian tradition. One sees foolishness and falsehood, another sees wisdom and Truth, and the last rejoices. From what depths of Wisdom arise this adoration and love of the Cross? How despised this Cross and its bleeding Christ, hanging as the Fruit of Life upon this Tree of Life; here, this manifestation of graceful power and absolute self-giving for others, in Love, beautiful Grace.
* * *
How does one teach the power of vulnerability in a society clamoring for power apart from vulnerability and seeing vulnerability as weakness? How many truly discern the courage of vulnerability, so seeing the cowardice of the flight toward a power that cannot be authentic power, for it refuses to enter into the wisdom of weakness? All truly holy beings, of any faith path, have entered into living the paradox that in weakness is found strength and the vulnerable place is the powerful place. To be strong, pray for weakness, that you may be strong truly, and not merely hiding insecurity behind an illusory veil of power or mistaking aggression for the power that can be gentle amidst the false demonstrations of power. For in praying for this power, one realizes the relinquishment of the need and pursuit of personal power is the opening to another power, one not arising from the self and serving humbly all whom one is given to serve. And, yes, pray to be carried by a power not your own, and you will.
* * *
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
